how to deal with infertility as couple

How does Infertility add to Stress in a Couple’s Relationship and Ways to Deal with it?

“Nervous breakdown and depression were just at the doorsteps after three consecutive failed IVFs and prolonged infertility,” shivers Natalie (name changed), thinking about the toughest five years when she had to deal with the marital pressure, infertility, and the agony of not being able to conceive. Each day would bring hope and would end up adding stress to the insurmountable woes. Childbearing and pregnancy are the two most important stepping stones for a happy married life.

Dr. Shivani Bhutani, a leading gynecologist in Punjab at EVA Hospital, addresses her patients asking her the mental and psychological issues they face as they experience the challenging times of infertility. Natalie admits what was once pleasure (sex) had become so timed and mechanical and neither she nor her husband would enjoy it anymore. The zeal to be parents had taken a major chunk of their happiness and was testing their relationship.

 Do you Experience Stress and Tension during Infertility?

“A new life, a baby, and the joy of being parents may not be easy for some,” says the infertility expert, Dr. Shivani Bhutani. Infertility or constant failed pregnancy attempts can hover like dark clouds over the couple. While a baby can make your couple bond stronger, infertility can test the relationship to bits and check the strength of the couple bond.

Dr. Shivani says the following are a few reasons why a couple can go through strained relationships during infertility:

Who will take the Onus?

This question as to who is infertile can actually create stress among the couple. Neither the male nor the woman would want the label of being ‘infertile’ and this can delay the procedure of seeking medical help and tests. It takes no time for casual one-to-one talks to become heated arguments, blame-game, and fights which can turn into violent brawls in the worst case. ‘How to bell the cat’ is a stressful question. 

• Financial Strain

The incessant medical check-ups, the frequent visits to doctors, infertility treatment, expenses on trying various drugs, and hitting the right medical treatment can cause a financial dent in your pocket. Most of the expenses may not be covered under insurance and can further cause a financial burden. Various decisions like how and where to arrange money from, whether to involve family, or whether to utilize old-age savings can further aggravate the financial burden.

• Emotional and Mental Stress

Enduring infertility and the effort of trying to conceive is seen as a struggle by many. The relationship of the couple can be on a standstill as they see their beautiful dreams being shattered. You may be on the verge of a breakdown with the continuous litigations and arguments of when to seek medical help, when to step up to next level infertility treatments, and whether or not to disclose the problem to friends and family. 

The infertile partner may be embarrassed or maybe feeling ashamed to talk out or reach out for help. This could further add fuel to the fire. Isolation, depression, and self-rejection may become ways of life for you.

Also, read- How many times is IVF possible.

• Societal and Family Pressure 

The most often asked question or the fact that bothers the couple is what people will think. The judgment or ignorance of the friends and family can add to the agony and worsen it further. Sometimes half-knowledge is dangerous and the myths and tips generated by friends and family can be a bane adding to the delay in pregnancy. 

• Differences in Opinion

The problem ensues when one of the partners over-reacts while the other partner wants to take it easy. The differences in opinion of the choice of the doctor, when to seek help, and how to proceed with the surrogacy or infertility treatment can become the ‘touchy’ points flagging anger and stress.

How can You Mitigate the Stress of Infertility?

 All you need is a baby and some comforting words of assurance from an experienced gynecologist who can guide you to the right path. Dr. Shivani says treating the patients with empathy helps in counseling them and keeping their mental health sane. Infertility can test the strength of marital strands and lead to couples fighting over trivial issues. 

The best gynecologist in Punjab, Dr. Bhutani, reiterates that some ways like meditation and communication can help you keep mental health intact during the testing time. The couple must freely communicate with each other and also with the gynecologists. They must open up with any issues in their minds so that a positive solution can be dealt with. Dr. Shivani suggests the couple should ‘cool down’ and find ways to engage themselves in fun activities like dating each other or joining a mutual hobby together. Let the emotions wane off the sleeve so that the couple is relaxed. 

Also, read- What are the alternative treatments to cure infertility

“Infertility is not forever and you should not leave onto the hope of having a baby,” says Dr. Shivani. The modern Assisted Reproductive Techniques (ART) like ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection), IVF (in-vitro fertilization), donor eggs, and gestational carrier can go a long way in helping the couple achieve pregnancy. IVF is the most common, result-oriented ART technique. One cycle of IVF takes about three weeks and the success rate of IVF depends on the age, health status of the couple, cause of infertility, and the skill of the gynecologist. “IVF not only gave life to the baby but also gave life and spark to our married life!” adds Natalie.

Over to You

Your relationship with your spouse should remain strong under all circumstances. Infertility is not a permanent hiccup. As a couple, you should seek help from the best gynecologist like Dr. Shivani Bhutani, EVA Hospital, and move on to gear up for the new phase of life. Contact Dr. Shivani and get away with the woes and depression syndromes due to infertility. Her expertise in IVF and words infused with positivity are sure to bring rays of hope.